Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
