hell yes lets make some ravioli
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
