tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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