checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
