like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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