Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
