you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i think my cat just said my name.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize