thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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