My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
