This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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