please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
