I love black thongs
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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