Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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