He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
