i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
