I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
