okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
