wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
