i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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