Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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