My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
