ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
