im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
