he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
