alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
