you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
