he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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