I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
