ya dads aren't the best wingmen
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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