yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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