ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
