Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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