Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
