i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
