i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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