That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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