lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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