Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
