nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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