Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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