I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
