my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
