my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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