i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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