I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
