when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
