yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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