Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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