Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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