I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
