hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
