last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
