Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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