dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
