i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
