so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
