Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
