I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
