I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
