Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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