Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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