dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
