it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
