I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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